Monday, November 14, 2016

How heart aches really feel like... for the 2nd time


Recently the feeling of heart aches become more and more prominent. That’s the feeling of life, a sea of emotions drowning you before you know it.
Mr. A and I have known each other for some time. In the recent years we became closer friends (as oppose to the “hi” friends, as I’d call them). We both share a number of different relationships. He is a really kind, considerate man. A man with a wealth of knowledge that only one can dream of. With an appealing intellect and personality, he knows where his attraction lies.
Personally, there’s a few (probably a lot more than this) which we have diverging views on. But our life experiences differ which explains the discrepancy between our thoughts. We have been slowly going into a diverging path due to our differences in views. I personally wants to get out of the “ideal version” of him. To remove myself from the unrealistic, ideal world that we could be living in. We are two very different people, from different worlds which would not meet in the course of our lifetime. We grew up differently, with some similarities in raised with a kind heart. We would pour ourselves to help those in need simply because that’s how humanity should be. Not asking for anything in return, but to spread the love around by helping others in need.
A lot of the times I admire his courage. The ability to stand up for what’s right. A man of his horoscope is very attractive in that sense.
_________

Two months later...

Its a moment of realization, time to slap myself to wake up. Over the course of the time we've created memories throughout, I've seen how unimportant I was to him. Living in the wonderful digital era, we often see ourselves portraying as a different person on social media. I, quite frankly, use this to evaluate myself in other people's lives. In this situation, I didn't leave a single hint of mark because my presence was removed from his pictures of memories on facebook. He only chose pictures which I wasn't in to post. 

There was even a friend's post that questioned him going on the adventure alone. Yet an outing with a female mutual friend which he bought tickets for, he was proudly displaying it on facebook. She had the stereotypical model appearance (blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic body). 

I felt really sad. But I have to move on. 

It was time to break ties. It wasn't worth it to stay and waste my time.

Monday November 14 will be the day.  

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